* What if Dr. Dre was the fifth member of Spinal Tap? * What if Jack Black and Bob Newhart had a love child? * What if the Bloodhound Gang lasted more than 15 seconds? Then you would have Vagiant, a band that won't make you ask "what if", but "what the f**k?" Vagiant unleashes an unrelenting assault of satirical hip-hop, rock & roll, and toe-tapping country ditties. The Vagiant show is a rare comedy experience, like laughing white Russians out your nose, or witnessing an elderly clown tumbling down a flight of stairs. You won't know whether to laugh or feign concern but rest assured, your panties will either be on stage or in dire need of a changing. You may just find the insightful, poetic nuances of Vagiant's artistic message will push you to question your own conceptions of humor as well as the absurdity of popular culture and human nature itself. If not, you may be the unwilling recipient of an audio wedgie that will leave you limping for days. Tracks on the new Vagiant album include: * Finish Me Off: Will this Japanese massage have a happy ending? * Mullet Savior: Who died so you can wear your hair that way? * Amber Alert: There's a tiny hole in the desert tonight. * Let My A** Be Your Mule: One bad-A** drug smuggler. * 5 Easy Pieces: A cheatin' wife's insurance policy should have a dismemberment plan. * Martha Stewart: Attention K-Mart shoppers: Martha's got a blue-ball special. * Predatory Lesbian: Gym class is mandatory. * Public Service Announcement: Baby in a dumpster, I know it's serious. *********** GET YOUR OWN VAGIANT T-SHIRT AT: www.cafepress.com/vagiant *********** WHERE DID THEY COME FROM? Vagiant originated in Chicago in 1999 as the improvisational rock band BVX. They released two highly acclaimed albums beginning with the best pre-millennial, post-apocalyptic make-out album of 1999, oopsmypantsfelloff, which topped the charts at Mount Saint Jill's Girls' Academy for weeks. In 2000 they followed up with the booty-shaking beats and sexy party anthems of Sex Invasion, which cemented their legendary status among pre-teen alter boys and filled the airwaves of America all summer. (Both albums are still available at www.cdbaby.com/bvx) Despite their immense popularity, they were ultimately run out of town by the Christian Temperance Union and Mayor Dick Daley's Brute Squad. After gestating in a secluded Winnebago outside Circus Circus, Nevada, they emerged as Vagiant in 2002 imposing themselves on the unsuspecting public of Los Angeles with a string of hugely successful appearances at area senior citizen homes and The Nude Delhi Indian Strip Club. Currently, the members of VAGIANT are safely tucked away in a juvenile detention center outside Los Angeles anxiously awaiting your correspondence to which they will respond with a macaroni-and-glue collage depicting your favorite song from the VAGIANT album or "The Iliad". BAND MEMBER BIOS Vincent Good Times - Lead Vocals If the Hilton sisters were joined at the liver and grew testicles, you would still only have half the man that is Vincent G. Times. Vincent exploded on Toledo's famed "open-mic circuit" in the 90's and has never looked back, combining lightening quick white-guy rhymes with an overbearing "you're gonna like this next one" bravado. You may not know it now, but after a few Jello pudding shots, you'll be singing along with this self-destructive crooner. Baron Von Bluebird - Bass Fresh from the runways of Berlin's Burlesque Fashion Parade Scene, this decorated German uberman sure knows how to slap the fat string. As a youth, The Baron survived the cabbage famine by delivering singing telegrams, candy grams, and mammograms. After honing his skills during one magical summer at Karl's Kraut-Rock Fat Camp, he found true happiness tucked safely in the cozy womb of the Vagiant rhythm section. Randy B**ch - Guitar Abandoned at birth, Randy was raised by a colony of fire ants underneath a seasonal fireworks stand outside Nacogdoches, Texas. This firecracker's venomous three-chord repertoire provides more bang on stage than a brick of ladyfingers. Careful ladies, get too close to The B**ch and you'll find more than just ants in your pants. T.W. Ballz - Drums Reared in Cameroon by Mambili Rivermen, T.W. learned the magic and terror that percussion can inspire. After accidentally viewing a visiting professor's copy of the Pam and Tommy Lee Home Videos, T.W. dreamt of becoming a bone-ified rock and roll drummer. Although he faced many challenges (playing music with clothing, keeping dry while flushing toilets), he finally found a home for his brand of "kumbulu" or "fear drumming" in the loving hindquarters of Vagiant. The Producers These guys are really on a roll. After creating such super boy band sensations as 2CUTE4U, 2CUTE 2bREAL, TooLiteralTooMakeIt, The Lolly-Pop Guild, and Peanut Butter Lassie Trap, these masterminds wheeled, dealed, and fought in the high courts to make Vagiant a reality.