Ag-39 – The Well-Tempered Singer-Songwriter: 24 Moods Album notes In my life as a songwriter, I have found that when a conception for what the 19-century guys called a song cycle occurred to me, that I can sometimes get a lot of songs written, and sometimes they come so fast that it feels as if they were all planted in the moment the first idea came, and that the process of writing the songs was more a case of just letting them ripen and digging them out of the ground. This suite is just such a case. The idea here is an old one, going back to Bach’s Well-Tempered Clavier, and favored also by Chopin and others: to write on the complete major-minor key cycle. I had already composed and recorded 24 Preludes (2004) following the same principle, and thought originally that each of those piece might serve as a prelude to a new song in the same key. I still do pair them sometimes in performance, and I do have a playlist where they’re lined up together. (If you get both albums, I do think it’s a pleasant way to hear them.) But soon the new project took on its own special life, and some things happened that I think would never have crossed my mind otherwise. To start with: as a jazz musician, I naturally favor the flat side, and when once in a while I write something closer to the rock or folk-pop tradition, I’ll hit G or D or E or A. But when do I write a song in G-flat, or B, or C-sharp minor? So in 2008 I thought I’d see what thoughts and feelings a run at the complete key cycle would shake loose, and the experience was even richer than I imagined. Every new key seemed to open up a new world of feeling. They felt so specific! So, though I started with the idea of 24 keys, what I wound up with was more deeply an album of 24 moods: 1. Good Morning. C Major. First greeting. The morning after a night of sweetness. Tenderness and uncertainty. 2. Just When You Think You’re On to Something. C Minor. A burst of pessimism. 3. An Invitation to Dance. F Major. A plea for freedom, especially for women. 4. There’s a Mystery. F Minor. I had a chord and a small bit of melodic motion which together evoked for me a feeling of mystery. And what rhymes with mystery? So suddenly I’m into my history. Then the soft rhyme ”wish to see” and the mosaic rhyme ”misdemeanors” put the subject clearly in my hands. Some of this painful story was already accessible to me after many years of various therapies, but the play of words and music here gave me a new chance to revisit, and again experience, some of the pain and loneliness of my childhood. 5. Oh Wait! Oh Wait! Oh Wait! B-flat Major. Panic! I believe in writing from the material life presents you with, when it’s any good, and here I thought I had something when I woke up on the 8th of August, 08-08-08! Even so I didn’t know where the song was going till I got to the last rhyming pair. It turned out more serious than I expected at the outset. 6. Never Had a Clue. B-flat Minor. This, I guess, is the inverse of track 2: the pessimist pleasantly surprised. 7. I Have to Admit I Was Hoping. E-flat Major. Yes, it happened! You’re in love and it’s wonderful. Your heart is open, you discover a generosity that was never there before. Here I might like to say a word about Wes Montgomery, whom I have always loved but never made much effort to emulate. The way he plays octaves though! What phrasing (like a singer!), and what beautiful intonation. This, I think, is the first octave passage I’ve ever recorded that expressed any of that. 8. Here I Am, This Lovely Day. E-flat Minor. Abject longing, even surrounded by every conceivable comfort. 9. I Liked You Better When You Were in Love with Me. A-flat Major. A lover’s lament, close enough to the end to embrace the humor in the situation. 10. To Comfort Her. G-sharp minor. Another song at the end, perhaps in fact the moment when the thing breaks and dies for good. 11. Another Man. D-flat Major. In Swedish they call it ”gubbsjuka”. Shall we translate? ”Geezeritis” then: that a man getting along into middle and senior years still feels a pang of longing in the presence of the younger women. I don’t actually see much sick about it, to tell you the truth. Seems like a sign of health to me. That you’re going to get your heart broken though, is as sure as it gets. I kind of wish, by the way, that I’d written down that multi-vocal interlude…. 12. Not Gonna Fold. C-sharp Minor. Courage. 13. How Did You Think I’d Feel? G-flat Major. Fight fair now people! 14. I Want to Be Famous. F-sharp Minor. Yeah, yeah, be careful what you wish for…. Worth mentioning perhaps that this is where I pulled out the electric guitars and effects and things for the first time since 1985. That was some fun after that many years, and I couldn’t resist doing it a few times more before the album was done. 15. A Place Inside Me. B Major. The deep well-being you sometimes feel, and realize was there all along, through all the trouble and chaos of a life on earth. 16. I Wish I Liked You. B Minor. Liking and loving are two different things, not a question of quantity, but a difference in essence. I think love is what we feel when someone stirs us at our core, where, whether there’s connection or not, the soul’s energy is set in motion, and a connection is felt. To like someone is a question of something perhaps not as deep, but just as wonderful, of simply getting pleasure from knowing them, seeing them, thinking of them. We like it best (and love it most) when the two come together, but sometimes they don’t. Liking without loving is good fun. Loving without liking is my subject here. 17. I’m Afraid. E Major. Here is a case where the song came as a result of just monkeying around on guitar in the given key. I’m a theory teacher—theory nerd you might go ahead and say—and have thought long and hard of chords and their possible resolutions. I have a particular fascination for the idea of loosening up from the idea I got from my life in jazz playing the great songs of the 20s, 30s and 40s that the way to get to a new key is pretty much always by way of its dominant. What about IV, I start to think, the subdominant? Not as strong, but kinda sweet. This tune started as a little study of secondary subdominants (major and minor, depending on the resolution chord) climbing up an E scale. A cunning little chord progression, I thought. A melody began to take shape. And then around that, the words started coming and took me into the terror of a promising new love. 18. You’ve Seen Summertime. E Minor. The bitterness of an autumn of romance. 19. To My Beloved. A Major. For real now. Love is good. I am happy. 20. It’s a Great Day (November 5, 2008). A Minor. When I was twelve years old I wrote a song on three chords and called it Democracy. On the day after Barack Obama’s election, which I sat out over here in Sweden (and I understand I missed a magic night), as I waited for news from the congressional race in San Francisco where I hoped against hope that Cindy Sheehan might unseat House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (who here represents not only herself but that whole run of Democrat in politics, like for instance Harry Reid, Hillary Clinton, Rahm Emanuel, and, as I feared, Barack himself), I took those three chords and let them serve as the basis for this prediction. Some months later I sat down to record it, and that’s when I got the idea for the song collage here, inspired by Bach’s art of the quodlibet: Stars and Stripes Forever, Yankee Doodle, John Brown’s Body, Dixie, and whatever else, all intewoven. I’m not one who admires or believes in patriotism, but here I guess is the concentrated essence of my own patriotic feeling as an American. What a tragedy it’s been! There’s a video on this one at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-_NqjiPvko if you’re interested. 21. Writing in D. D Major. When I had the problem, I didn’t have the words to describe it, but here’s what I went through those first couple of years with the guitar in my hands. This to me is funny. You’ll see what you think. 22. I Want to See You. D Minor. Desire, plain and simple. 23. I Know You. G Major. Recognition, echoing, as it sometimes seems to do, down through through the centuries, through many lifetimes. 24. I Love Goodbyes. G Minor. I used to say, I hate goodbyes. And then one time in the middle of a particularly big one, it occurred to me that if I hated them THAT much I wouldn’t have taken the time to gaze for a last time on each of the four walls in the living room, the bedroom, the kitchen, the bathroom, the view from the roof, the door to the roof, the stain on that one stair. I LOVE goodbyes! One more hug please. Goodbye, goodbye! I love you. Goodbye, so long, goodbye! The songs were written in the summer and fall of 2008, and I recorded it all at my Stockholm studio in the spring of 2009. It’s all me, Andy Fite, on voices, guitars, bass, bongos and snare drum. Words and music ©2008 by Andy Fite. Here are the lyrics: Good Morning Good morning. How are you today? And did you sleep all right, my darling? Does it feel okay to have me here beside you? That was some night we had, and I know, quite unexpected. Still I hope you’ll be glad you let it happen… Good morning. How is it today? I could just go if it’s too much now. But I’d love to stay and talk a while ad love you one more time. I know there is only so much room in your life, and I may be too near now already, but it is just where I want to be. So what do you say you blow off the day you’d planned? I’ll understand if you don’t— if you can’t, or you won’t— and even if you don’t want to see me even one more time, oh I’m in love with you this morning. ------------------------------- Just When You Think You’re On to Something Just when you think you’re on to something and you’re really gonna make it now, ow! Just when you think that you’re really gonna show ’em all, you take another look and you don’t know how. Just when you think your luck is changing and it’s all about to come your way, nay! Just when you’re sure that at last you’ve found the cure for all the troubles in your life, whoops! They’re here to stay. All you ever wanted was a little of this, a little of that, a little of something little enough to hold you snug. All you ever asked was to be given a kiss and given a pat and given a chance to give somebody’s heart a tug. Just when you think you’re on to something and you’re never gonna weep again, then, just when you know that she’s never gonna go away, you realize there’s something that she realizes— someone she idealizes— and you’ve reached the end. -------------------------------------- An Invitation to Dance You’ve been together for a couple of years, a couple of dears who really do love each other like lovers don’t always, you know, but you feel a little bit restless, so you start to read the personal ads. It’s one of those fads that’s hard to resist. You fantasize, and decide one of these times you might even do something about it. It’s not a crime to spend an hour or two with someone new, at least not in this country, I believe. So you’ve been together for a couple of years, I know it but here’s the thing to remember: I’ll be true, just like you, meaning I swear I won’t breathe a word to anyone about it. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your man— I know you can be drawn to someone else for just a while. When you’ve been together for as long as you’ve been now, is it a sin to dance with another? Maybe so, ’specially, oh yes, if when he does it too, you can’t find it in your heart to forgive. But otherwise, you have only one life, and girl, you have a right to live! -------------------------------------- There’s a Mystery There’s a mystery in my history, and I wish to see just what misdemeanors have been perpetrated on that dear little boy I was, who never hurt a soul, and who trusted the world around him. Who was the first? And how did it happen? And why did it happen? And when did it start to take its toll? If I only knew! Well— what good would it do me? The damage has been done. Though I do recall my one brother’s friend and the things he did, or at least a few select small childish tortures, what I don’t understand at all is how I ever could even let such a person near me. Oh! What was it that was already dead inside me? And why was it impossible to find someone and tell? What was it that had already made me weak, and afraid, and at home with that? I wonder… There’s a mystery in my history, and I don’t suppose I’ll prob’ly ever know. --------------------------------------- Oh Wait! Oh Wait! Oh Wait! Oh wait! Oh wait! Oh wait, don’t go! Oh wait! Oh wait! Oh wait! There’s no way I’d be ready already for this. Don’t leave me— please! Just wait! Now wait! Oh wait, come on! I hate this fate, this state, this conversation we’re having. I’m having a terrible time. Don’t you know what you’ll be doing to me? Don’t you care? Really don’t you see what a wreck I’ll be if you’re not there? Oh wait! Oh wait! Oh wait a while! Just wait! It’s great! You’ll make me smile. Even one more day will be one more day together. Oh my! But after you’ve gone, how will I go on? Oh please, baby, please don’t die! ------------------------------------------- Never Had a Clue Never had a clue that there was anything for you in my little smile and my little fingertips but now I see you really do enjoy me. Never would have guessed you’d want to put me to the test and now when you have, oh wow, do you really really mean what you say when you say you want to come again? I know for sure, my dear, that you’re too good for me— well at least a little— but if you say okay I’ll respect your choice. I’m not crazy honey! Never had a clue that one as beautiful as you would ever want to stand so near, but you’re here and I’m here and it’s true: baby, you really do make me happy but I swear I mean I never had a clue! ------------------------------------- I Have to Admit I Was Hoping I have to admit I was hoping. I have to admit I thought it would be nice. I must confess, I was obsessing just a little bit about it. And when it came, it was so nice! It’s just a shame, I think, that everybody doesn’t get to feel this way all the time. Now that I’m so happy I can see it’s true. I have to admit, you are something. I have to admit I didn’t even know but here we are, and boy we are a lovely pair— tell me you agree! I wonder how it happened now, when everything seemed so hopeless though I’ll have to admit, in spite of it all, I was hoping. ---------------------------- Here I Am This Lovely Day Here I am, this lovely day. The sun is shining warm upon my skin. I’m in a perfect heaven, or so it seems. There is no pain. It’s all so nice. I can’t complain. Or at least it wouldn’t seem quite right, I think. I might, I think, deserve to lose it all if this is all the good it does me. Why am I so ill at ease? And why am I so sad? Why do I lie awake at night? And what would it take to make me happy? Here I am, a lucky guy, with everything I ever thought I’d need. I see that but I don’t know how to love it like I should. And I would if I could, but if you’re not here the sweetest rose is just a thing with thorns, and the bluest sky is only blinding, and the softest bed is still as empty as can be. --------------------------------------- I Liked You Better When You Were in Love with Me You talk too much, you eat too much, you work too much, you sleep too much, and heaven knows you watch too much TV. And even when you stop for once, you treat me like a total dunce— I liked you better when you were in love with me. You read too much, you phone too much, you leave me all alone too much. You always seem to have someplace to be. And even when you do get back we just can’t seem to get on track— I liked you better when you were in love with me. Remember the days when you laughed at the things I said? Remember the days when I didn’t have to ask you to give me things? You mope too much, you cry too much, you look like you want to die too much, it really isn’t difficult to see. It was for sure, you were the one but now, my dear, you’re just no fun— I liked you better when you were in love with me. Remember how once every night was a pleasure fair? Remember? I’ll never forget but I look for it now and it isn’t there. You’re much too cold, you’re much too mean, but much too much, you’re still my queen. I guess I’ll wait around, and hope you see: there can’t be more than three or four on earth who’d love you that much more. I’d like it better if you thought you could agree, cause I liked it better when you were in love with me. ----------------------- To Comfort Her You thought you knew just how to comfort her, so you said the words you knew she liked to hear. You had some clue, you thought, to what it was that had her looking so distracted and dismayed. You spoke so softly no one else could hear, and reached across to her and dried a lonely tear, and she pulled away. You thought you knew just how to comfort her, I know, but maybe the best way now is to go. --------------------------------- Another Man I want to be another man for just one day— someone who can maybe walk right up right now and tell you what a thrill you give me. Yes. I wish I was as brave and free as so many rotten bastards (I’m so jealous) who get all the breaks and all the girls and all the really interesting gigs— I mean, I just— I want to be another man, like that one there— who seems to be someone you don’t mind exactly having in your line of view. But I’m only my small, plain, and I guess much-too-old-for-you self. I want you so badly, but for me I know it’s never gonna happen. -------------------------------- Not Gonna Fold I’m not about to fold. I’ll keep trying. I’ll go on for some damn reason. I don’t know, but somehow I know it’s all gonna be okay. And I pray, won’t you stay around to see? I’m not about to fold. I’m not dying. I’ll go on, and like it even and I know— whatever I know when it’s through— that to do it is better than just to give in to the mood I’m in. No matter how much it weighs, I’m not gonna fold. I’m staying. ----------------------------------------- How Did You Think I'd Feel? I don't know why you had to say the things you said but now they're said, okay? I don't know why you had to take it out on me and why you had to be so mean about it— How did you think I’d feel when you made it out to be all about my character? How did you think I’d feel? I don’t know what I could have done to make it better but I tried, okay? I don’t know why you had to say you thought I never even cared. I cared a lot and I thought you knew it too, and I think you do. But I think that you just had so much on your mind that you didn’t actually care if it was real, so you said it, and how did you think I’d feel? I don’t know what I could have done to make it better but I tried, okay? I don’t know why you had to say you thought I never even cared. I cared a lot and I thought you knew it too, and I think you do. But I think that you just had so much on your mind that you didn’t actually care if it was real, so you said it, and I’ll never forget it, and I AM gonna let it affect me cause whether or not it was true when you said it it’s true today. You think you can say what you want but come on, get real. If you have any feelings at all, sweet baby, how did you think I’d feel? ----------------------------------------- I Want to Be Famous I don’t want to be able to ride on the buses in town. I don’t want to have the use of the subway trains. I don’t want to go walking and ever be undisturbed. I want to see shock on the faces of people who see it’s actually me. I don’t want to be able to walk into any old bar. I don’t ever want to just have a plain good time. I don’t want any loving I’ll ever be certain of. When everyone’s shoving to get to me, that’s when I’ll know at last I’ve arrived, and not until then will I call it living. I want to be famous! The stuff of young erotic dreams! I want to be famous! I want to be everyone’s mad obsession and be famous and hang with Kool Moe Dee— is that his name? I want to be famous. I would want to have everyone know if I did something strange. I would want to have them shout from the highest hills: Did you hear about Andy? Say isn’t that guy a nerd? I never could stand him at all. Don’t you think it’s a shame that he’s got a name? I want to be famous! The stuff of young erotic dreams! I want to be famous! I want to be everyone’s mad obsession and be famous and hang with Bob DeNiro and the guy from what’s the name of that show? I want to be famous. Abraham Lincoln and Benjamin Franklin and Marilyn Manson and Moe, Homer and Gomer and O-man too, tell me true— wouldn’t you? I want to be famous! The stuff of young erotic dreams! I want to be famous! I want to be everyone’s mad obsession and be famous and hang with— oh forget it, I can never remember any of those people’s names! I want to be famous. ---------------------------------------- A Place Inside Me There’s a place somewhere inside me where I know I’ll be okay. Where I know the hell I’m paying is the hell I’m s’posed to pay. There’s a place that knows for certain, this is everything I need. There’s a place somewhere inside me where I’m so extremely pleased. I’m so extremely happy. There’s a place somewhere inside me where I’d never have believed that a day would soon be coming when I’d know the sweet relief of knowing you and everywhere to know that you love me. I’m happy now, no matter how the future plays. There’s a place somewhere inside me where I know that it’s okay. Especially when I think that when these lovely days have flown away, you’ll still be there, and I’ll be fine. -------------------------------- I Wish I Liked You I wish I liked you. I wish I didn’t get so annoyed. I wish I liked you, but it’s impossible to like you. Yes it’s impossible to be anywhere nearby when the sparks start flying and not to feel like I’m gonna die, and maybe hope I do! I wish I liked you. I wish I knew how to be your friend. I wish I liked you, because I do so dearly love you— to the end! But you don’t care about anyone, do you? Least of all, not me! I love you and I wish I didn’t. Yes, I love you, and I wish I liked you. I wish I liked you— or at least that you liked me! But I don’t think you even love me. ----------------------------------- I’m Afraid I’m afraid to come out, I’m afraid to be clear, I’m afraid just to tell you I love you. I’m afraid to be seen, I’m afraid to be known, I’m afraid to be wrong when I break into song and it’s awful to hear… I’m afraid to come out, I’m afraid to come on, I’m afraid of my shadow with you, love. I’m afraid to be one who’ll be taken in fun, who’ll be laughed all the way to the dawn of the day when there’s nothing to say but I wish I had never been born. I wish I could just disappear. I wish I could live with the fear of destruction and not be destroyed— What’s it matter what you say? I love you! And you have a right to know it! And to show it would be a good thing for me, I’m sure. I’m afraid to come out, I’m afraid to get real, so afraid that I scarcely can breathe, love. I’m afraid of your hands, I’m afraid of your voice, I’m afraid when I see you there smiling at me with what looks like desire… I’m afraid that I’m wrong, I’m afraid I’m a fool, I’m afraid that I’ll shock and offend you. And afraid, I’ll admit, that this just might be it— What’s it like? I don’t dare to know. Why can’t I bear to know? Why, when I clearly know this will be heaven for sure? The wildest, most wonderful year! Can I learn to live with the fear of destruction and not be destroyed? What’s it matter what you say? I love you! And you have a right to know it! And I have a right to show it! And you have a right to your reaction… I’m afraid. ------------------------------------- You’ve Seen Summertime You’ve seen summertime, summertime was pretty nice, don’t you think, this year? It seemed as if it might not end but oh my friend, it did. Didn’t it? You’ve seen summer and summer was fine but I’m not seeing it now. That was some cold wind I was caught up in tonight. It was nice for a while, but I see which way it’s going. Comes the ice, I can’t bear to be around. I don’t know why you must pretend there’s still a shred of hope to cling to— just take off your string bikini and put on your thermal drawers. -------------------------------- To My Beloved It’s not that I forget to say I love you dear, and to show it even, but I still don’t think you really know how happy I am. As restless as I seem, and even believe myself sometimes, it’s so lovely every time I step through the door, and I’m home. It’s not that I don’t let you know I love you dear— well, of course you know it— but you’ll never feel what I can feel when you walk into a room: how everything is harmony, including me, I swear! But when you’re gone, my heart goes too, and that’s why you ought to know, you’re everything that means a thing to me. It’s a Great Day (November 5, 2008) It’s a great day! It’s a great day! It’s a day to remember. It’s a great day, and I mean what I say. I do. It’s a great day, and the future seems a little less hopeless maybe but if Nancy Pelosi gets back in.... It’s a great day! It’s a great day! It’s a shame to deny it. It’s a great day! I was certainly NOT for McCain. It’s a great day! It’s so great to see old Cheney led out to pasture. May he rot! May he suffer deep in the bowels of hell. (Is that saying it too rough?) Do we really have to go into Afghanistan? Do we really have to bail out Goldman Sachs? Do we really really need to be adding ninety thousand people to the military? Now? Can we really not have a single-payer healthcare system? Can we really not raise some taxes on the rich? Did you really have to pick this man from the Banking State for your VP? It’s a great day! It’s a great day! It’s a day to remember. It’s a great day, and I mean what I say. I do! It’s a great day, and the future seems a little less hopeless maybe but if Nancy Pelosi gets back in.... ------------------------------- Writing in D Well I’m writing in D because D is a key I can play in. I’d be writing in E if in E I could find me a Five chord that I can play. But the B which is Five in E major and minor both is such a problem to play— There’s a D-sharp in the middle and it clashes with the E’s I can’t help sounding. I’m writing in D though in D for the relative minor, there’s this barre chord to make and my lord how you ache when you set down your fingers that way. And the dominant there has a Five of its own, which is Two, then, of Six, or else just Seven-seven, which has no open strings at all— Wait, one! No two, if you make it a sharp-nine… Somebody told me it don’t even matter. Somebody told me to try this thing you put on and it holds down the strings for you. Where do I go to buy one? But if then I’m in E and I just play the B like an A-form, then I still don’t quite see how I’d modulate to G, if the G looks like F, which is hard. If I can’t even get to the parallel minor’s own relative major, what then? And the secondary dominants that take you around, well except for F-sharp, which you play like an E and the D-form that’s really E, which is One but may really be more of a Five of the G-form (that’s A) I don’t see where you’ll find them. Somebody told me it don’t even matter. Somebody told me that I should really just stop being quite so pretentious, and yes I’m willing to try now— my, how light I feel inside. Oh but I’m glad I tried. Oh but I’m glad I tried! ----------------------------------- I Want to See You I want to see you today, I want to see you tonight. I want to see you tomorrow too. I want to see you whenever the sun’s shining bright in your mind. I want to see you at work, I want to see you at play. I want to see you on bad days too. I want to see you forever whenever you say— like, can i come over now? I wonder how I got along before I knew you. I wonder how I’d get along if we should part. I wonder how you feel about it, cause if you feel that way too, then maybe you and I will truly find ourselves in a situation where I can see you today and I can see you tonight and I can see you my whole life through. I want to see you, oh baby, in all kinds of light, and you know I’m telling you the things I’ve so wanted to say almost from the day we met: I love you. And I want to see you. ------------------------------- I Know You Maybe it’s a coincidence but somewhere I’m so certain I’ve seen you before. I know you, yes I’m sure of it, oh but where on earth and when have I seen you? No time recently I’m sure. Otherwise I know I couldn’t have forgotten and yet somehow I hardly can believe we haven’t been together every day and every night since heaven only knows when. How, when I know that we never could have met, can I feel such a sense of deep connection? I wonder how this magic works and what it all might really mean and where I ever can have seen what I’m seeing in you now. Anyway, it is really a pleasure to meet you and if all of this is ordinary fantasy I’ve never had a fantasy that felt to me so real. My friend, I’ve known you before, in another life or something, and I’m glad to see you again. ------------------------------------- I Love Goodbyes So long! I’ll see you. Have a wonderful day. I love you. Thanks for this morning and I’ll see you tonight, okay? Come kiss me. What are you doing for lunch? Whoops, I gotta go! Talk to you later, dear. Here, by the way’s twenty dollars if you want to drop by the bakery. Farewell! I’ll miss you. Say, couldn’t you write me a message later? Gee but it’s late, gotta go, hey come here, give me a hug! Yes I know I’m crazy— ooh, but you do look nice— so long, so long, arrivederci! Kiss me again, it’s a thing I can never disguise: With all my heart and soul, I love goodbyes!