Since my song track list is ussually about 20-30 songs or more one day I thought Why not have the songs alphabetical.So these are songs a made up around the time of this album in alphabetical order and I should note I was working on these songs the summer of 2001 through 2004 when I finale recorded them.This CD is part of my last recording session at Randy's recording. A couple of highlights of the songs are: She's the Only Dandelion in my Whole World was written for my wife Robin and is the song I play at our Wedding which was on State street at Sunrise Community Church which no longer meets on State street.My Baby is a song I wrote for Simon who is now 4 as of April 24,2006 and will be going to preschool in the fall.Vacuum Rap was a song I had borrowed a vacuum for at Randy's Recording.The song Want To Be A Librarian ? was inspire from a friend I knew from the U.W. who since has gone and moved away.At the time of the writing my friend Luke from the U.W. was working at the U.W. library.Free Bird was written because everyone kept saying play Free Bird and after I wrote it Southern Rock fans had to admit it was not what they wanted but it was a fun cute lyric but not at all the Southern Rock tune Free Bird.Let's Loiter went way beyond what I expected for it.It originally was just a song I was inspired to write because I was talking to this guy on State street about the no loitering law ordinance and I said what if I wrote a song to tell people to disobey it.The next thing I knew I was singing it.Since the recording I think they have not inforce the law as much here and infact may have cancelled it.The song got played on Dr Demento twice which I never expected.If Poeple want to know more about Dr Demento check out www.drdemento.com and if they want to request my music on the show they can at http://www.clamhead.com/drd.php but you can also buy the CD here or get it in the download stores. Hey check out the lyrics to the songs: 1. Intro: Warning Hi, My name is Rudolph the Robot with a warning for the people that bought this CD. Warning ! The following songs were written by a street musician before he was signed by a major record label or had a college degree and so they may have truth or humor that will either wake you up or gross you out. If you are used to listening to The Bubble Gum Rock or INSX or the Backstreet Boys or Britney Spears then the following songs may either change your life or shock you so much you may actually sell your designer jeans and become a monk or rabbi and change your name to what it was before. Which means you may tell your friends what you honestly think. Then again Art thinks most people life’s are so shallow he doubts most people will think anything but that the following songs are just jokes. Except where Art is trying to be funny and then he thinks people will think those parts are weird or strange metaphors for sex or drugs. So don’t even waste your time listening to this CD quickly go sell it to the used CD store and used the money to buy whatever Rolling Stone Magazine says is cool. Don’t bother even listening to it because it might make wake you up and you might have to get a real life. 2. Another Folk Song on the Radio This is just another Folk song on the radio So you don’t even have to bother Listening to it I could sing about your brother Or thee environment But your too busy doing What your doing And what your trying to do you don’t know But you got to make some money So you hop into your car And speed up and go real fast on the highway and get into an acident This is just another Folk song on the radio And it might had been written by Bob Dylan If he thought it make him some money But no it was written by me And my name is Art Paul Schlosser And now your thinking what the heck is some guy by the name of Art Paul Schlosser doing on your radio Go ahead and flip the dial The DJs probably drunk Cause if he had any real sense He’d play a real tune Instead of something That sounds so much like a lector If you were going to change your life you would have listen to your parents long ago This is just another Folk song on the radio And I’m just another Folk singer Infact I’m a street musician Now your saying what the heck is a street musician Doing telling you how to run your life If I had real sense I’d get me a real job Well you know if working at McDonalds Is what you call a real job Then I’d rather just be A street musician bum Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah blah blah Because that’s probably all you really hear anyways Now go out and buy a DVD player a big sofa some potato chips and eat yourself to death This is just another Folk song on the radio But even if you don’t like it It’s still a good song Cause one man’s junk Is another man’s treasure And one man’s real good song To me is just a sell out At least I have a conscious I’m not willing to just say anything I’m not willing to say the very thing That you just want to hear Just to get a million bucks and end up on crack or have some aids No I’d rather be honest and practically starve in Monona or actually make a few bucks 3. Body Odor Blues I woke up this morning Body Odor I got up went to the bathroom Body Odor I look in the cabinet couldn’t find anything Body Odor No shaving cream, no shampoo, no detergent, deodorant, nothing not even soap, not even Ivory soap Body Odor Blues I went over to the local convenient store I don’t know maybe it was walgreens or stop n go or something Body Odor I guess it was Sunday or Maybe it was Monday or Maybe even Tuesday they didn’t have anything Body Odor They said “Well the stock guy comes in on Friday” Body Odor They didn’t have no shampoo, no detergent, no deodorant, no colon, no perfume, not even Ivory soap Body Odor Blues Well you know these things they come in threes Body Odor And you know I had to go to work that day Body Odor Well as soon as I got to work my boss took me aside and said you know boy You’ve got the Body Odor You’ve got the you stink really bad like a dead fish out of water and we can’t afford to keep you employed here Body Odor Blues (You know they were afraid I was scary off the customers) Well you know sometimes these things come in fours not just in threes and I had a date that night Body Odor I was getting all dress up at least I thought if I look good and had some money Body Odor I got in the car I was driving, I didn’t even get a mile away and then I heard my cellular phone ring ring ring(well it sounded something like that anyways) and I started talking and Low and Behold guess who it was ? It was my girlfriend and I smell you a mile away and you stink worse then a skunk or a dead fish out of water or you know one of those slimy green things you’ve got the no colon, no perfume, no deodorant, no shampoo, nothing Body Odor Blues 4. Cow Pie Cow pie Cow pie You eat it You’ll die No I don’t want no cow pie Raspberry Strawberry Blueberry I’ll even eat mulberry But I don’t want no cow pie If cows Could fly It be dangerous Walking by And I bet you know the very reason why Something might Fly out of the sky Might get you In your hair mess up your eye Do I need to say the word cow pie Cross my heart Hope to die Stick a needle In my eye And I bet no one wants cow pie Cow pie Cow pie You eat it You’ll die Yeah I don’t want cow pie 5. D Well it’s time for you to play along with Art Paul. Yeah you can play this song anybody can because it’s in the key of D. D D D D G G G G D D D D A G D D D sing along with me G G it’s kind of easy D D sing along with me A G D Okay you can get out your guitar, harmonica, or flute or whatever And you can play along with me Just remember I’m in the key D It’s really easy A G D Now heres the part where I’d like to sing a song D I met a guy his named was D D D Said G G It’s good to meet you D D D D A my name is Art G it’s good to meet you DD D D D DDD It’s really easy G It’s really easy D sing along with me A G D Now here’s the part if you’ve got a kazoo you could play the kazoo D D I met a guy named D G I Said It’s good to meet you D D D I met a guy named D A my name is Art G it’s good to meet you DD sing along with me G It’s really easy D D D D A my name is Art G it’s good to meet you D 6.Eating Cheese I’m eating cheese I’m eating cheese I don’t want to sneeze But I’m eating some cheese Some people like it during the day Some people eat it at night Some people eat it in the morning Or for midnight delight I’m eating cheese I’m eating cheese I don’t want to sneeze But I’m eating some real good cheese Cheese with turkey Cheese with ham Cheese with beef jerky Or cheese with spam Do you like Colby Do you like swiss Do you like that weird cheese spread That looks kind of like this Okay your saying you don’t know what I’m talking about How can you see what I’m saying on the radio Well I don’t know But swiss cheese has a lot of holes I’m eating cheese I’m eating cheese I don’t want to sneeze Hushoo But I’m eating some real good cheese 7. Free Bird Free Bird The bird got out of the cage Free Bird I guess the window was open Free Bird The bird got out of the cage And the bird kept on going The bird kept on going Polly don’t want a cracker Polly wants steak and eggs Polly don’t want a cracker Polly wants shrimp and lobster Free Bird The bird got out of the cage Free Bird I forgot the window was open Free Bird The bird got out of the cage And the bird kept on going The bird kept on going Polly don’t want a cracker Polly wants steak and eggs Polly don’t want a cracker Polly wants shrimp and lobster 8. Generic Dedication Song Well I was talking to Johnny Danger and he said I should write a song. A dedication song to him and Greg Bear. And um I wrote this before I met Johnny Danger. And a lot of these pretty girls and ugly girls and some women that actually thought they were good looking that I thought were really gross looking came up to me and said Hey could you write a song for me. Could you put my name in the song and I would love it so much if you would write a song just for me. And so in thinking of all these people who want a generic. Actaully they want a dedication song but I don’t know if they want a generic one, I thought it would be great to write a generic one for everybody. So here is one and it culd be for Sly in the morning or Dr Demento or Randy here at Randy’s recording or um my wife Robin or Simon Peter my son and there’s a whole list of more other names that I probable should mention like The great LukeSki or The Gomers or so n so and so n so and my Uncles and Aunts and … and so here I go: This is the generic dedication song I wrote for all the people that want me to write a deication song to them And this is for you and for your brother too It’s the generic dedication song that I wrote just for you And I don’t know anything about you I don’t know what you eat late at night I don’t know where you are when your not suppose to be there Or what your doing right now You could be in your bathroom You could be in your bedroom with someone else And I don’t know if there a guy or a girl But I wrote this song for you This is the generic dedication song I wrote it all for you And you could be Carl Sandburg or Taylor, Richard Tyler or Slim Whitman or Dr Demento or Weird Al Yankovics or you could be Frank or Frank’s son or his daughter or his grand daughter yeah I don’t know everybody that I wrote this song for but if you are one of them now just put your name in this slot ______________ Now put your name in it again __________________ Now this is your dedication song This is your dedication song Yeah this is the generic dedication song That I wrote for everyone that wants a generic dedication song And this is the kazoo part Kazoo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is the generic dedication song For everyone everywhere who wants me to write a song for them And I don’t care if you sing along Sing it short or sing it long go ahead and sing along This is the generic dedication song And here is the fourth verse and it’s the third verse or maybe it’s the 17th verse Just put your name in here __________________ And I don’t know what you do But I hope whatever happens to you it’s a real good life A real good life This is the generic dedication song That I wrote for everyone that wants a dedication to them Here is your dedication 9. Hurry Up & Wait You could've spent hours Writing poems and smelling flowers But for some reason you wanted to be early Now you're stuck in traffic going nowhere in a hurry Hurry up and wait Hurry up and wait Hey why do you hestitate ? Hurry up and wait So you Rush ! Rush ! Rush ! Rush ! Rush ! Rush ! Passing cars in just a hush Yes you Rush ! Rush ! Rush ! They say haiste makes waiste And you get into an accident on the interstate Hurry up and wait Hurry up and wait Hey time could be money but it could faite Hurry up and wait 10. IRS is Coming to Town You better watch out You better not lie You better not cheat I'm telling you why IRS is coming to town He's making a list, He knows the facts; He knows if you paid And haven’t paid a tax. IRS is coming to town You better move away You better change your name You better not be home today Or they’ll audit all your pay IRS is coming to town The boys in government playland They’re gonna have a jubilee They’re gonna check out everyone And if they catch you they be glad indeed IRS is coming to town You better watch out You better not lie You better not cheat I'm telling you why IRS is coming to town 11.Jukebox there’s a jukebox there’s a jukebox there’s a jukebox inside your brain And it keeps playing It keeps playing It keeps playing the same song over and over again Do you like the song ? Do you like the song ? Do you ? Do you ? Do you like the song ? there’s a jukebox there’s a jukebox there’s a jukebox inside your brain It keeps playing It keeps playing It keeps playing the same song over and over again Is it that same song last week that you didn’t like that the DJ played that you thought he wouldn’t play again Is it that same song last week that you didn’t like that you were hoping that the DJ would never play again there’s a jukebox there’s a jukebox there’s a jukebox inside your brain It keeps playing It keeps playing It keeps playing the same song over and over again 12. Kazoo Boy Come they told me Kazoo~~~~~ A brand new King to see Kazoo~~~~~ 
Our finest gifts we bring Kazoo~~~~~~ 
To place before the King Kazoo~~~~ Kazoo~~~ Kazoo~~~~
So to honor Him Kazoo~~~~~~ 
When we come. 
 Baby Jesus Kazoo~~~~~~~~ I am a poor boy too Kazoo~~~~ I have no gift to bring Kazoo~~~~ That's worthy of a King Kazoo~~~~~ Kazoo~~~~~ Kazoo~~~~~~~ 
Shall I play for you Kazoo~~~~~ On my Kazoo. Mary nodded Kazoo~~~~~ The a** and lamb kept time Kazoo~~~~~ I played my song for Him Kazoo~~~~~ I played my best for Him Kazoo~~~~ Kazoo~~~~~~~ Kazoo~~~~~~ Then He smiled at me Kazoo~~~~~~ Me and my Kazoo. 
 13.Let’s Loiter They got a new fad It's the latest trend It's not a dance step No, it's sitting around doing nothing* *Chorus Let's loiter Let's loiter Everybody let's all loiter We're gonna sit around and we'll do nothing Yeah, let's all loiter It don't take fancy clothes It don't take a lot of money It don't take a big celebrity No, we just sit around and we'll do nothing* It don't hurt anyone And it's lots of fun It don't destroy you like drugs Or kill you like alcohol* It's not a sin So it shouldn't be a crime So if someone with a badge Comes up to you And says you can't be sitting there Well, you just move and find yourself a new spot* They're doing it in France They're doing it in Canada They're doing it in L.A. Why can't we do it here 14.My Baby Just a little song Just a little song Maybe about 28 inches long Not more than 23 pounds But man can he get around That's my baby That's my baby Makes a joyful sound That's my baby That's my baby Makes a joyful sound Just a little song Just a little song Not more than maybe 28 inches long You know he's like 16-18 months old But the record is solid gold That's my baby That's my baby That's my baby He makes a joyful sound That's my baby That's my baby That's my baby He makes a joyful sound 15.No Beer at The Bar Okay now on this next one you’ve got to imagine that you’re on State street or your somewhere maybe your in New York city or Minneapolis or somewhere where there’s a lot of bars and you’re in desire to drink beer or some alcohol or something and the bars are really crowded maybe on Halloween or Christmas or New Years or you know it’s one of those occasions were there’s a lot of people Friday night or Saturday and you want to get a beer and there’s a long line There ain’t no more beer in the bar There ain’t no more beer for sure We’re just standing around in this line acting like we’re cool Yeah there ain’t no more whiskey There ain’t no more champaign too We’re just standing around in this line wondering why we’re here I bet the other line at the other bar was shorter I bet the other line at the other bar was shorter I bet the other line at the other bar was shorter But by the time we get there it’ll be longer By the the time we get there it’ll be longer There ain’t no more beer in the bar There ain’t no more beer for sure We’re just standing around in this line acting kind of weird Why is that guy playing that guitar all the time Yeah Did you ever think that life is real Or do you think it’s just a dream Or do you think that life is one long nightmare and your standing around in a line trying to get a beer 16. On The Right Don’t go on the left There’s nothing on the left There’s a bathroom on the right Don’t use the stool If it was your house that’s not what we would do There’s a bathroom on the right Don’t go outside You don’t know who will be walking by There’s a bathroom on the right There’s a bathroom on the right 17. Play Something Special Play something special That’s really special How about kazoo Wow That’s like gravy on your biscuit Would you like to super size that Is that cheddar or swiss ? Sayonara 18. Quiet This song is called quiet 19. Rudolph The Robot My name is Rudolph the robot Here is my rhyme Richy Rich rides Randy run Candy ran Run ran run out of breath Rest, rest out run the rest Then you must really rest My name is Rudolph Rudolph the robot Wrist watch runs a little slow Run behind time Rhyme Rhyme Rhythm time Rushes fast Or slowly climb Reaches first Reaches last You succeed but get a rash My name is Rudolph Rudolph the robot robot Riches rust Wrenches rust Righteous die sometimes and turn to dust Are you in a rush Are you in the band RUSH Reaching trust Or rather wondering if you must Did I say my name is Rudolph the robot My name is Rudolph the robot Riot Riot Try to diet Learn to reach another quiet Right to live Right to die Right to wonder if you cry Rye Rye Bread that’s dark and bread that’s light Are you on the left or right My name is Rudolph Rudolph Rudy-olph Robot, robot I’m a robot Regular Joe Regular no Rather unique and not so small Roll Roll Roll your boat gently up a rock Watch to much TV and your soul will rot Robot Rudolph the robot Is my name Not my claim to fame I might be just being framed Right or wrong Sing a song Rich or poor Short or long You’ll reach a longer life if you are strong But most humans will die Left or right eye See or cry Random acts of righteousness try Regularly ride the railroad Monopoly reading railroad Write an O so Or no so Are you on the right road Are you Are you On the right road Right road 20. She’s the Only Dandelion in my Whole World She’s the only dandelion in my whole world She’s the only dandelion in my whole world She’s the only dandelion in my whole world I don’t want pick another flower I don’t want pick another flower I’ve been all over this great big world I seen all sorts of pretty girls I’ve been to weddings and funerals But none of them look like heros None of them look like heros She’s the only dandelion in my whole world She’s the only dandelion in my whole world She’s the only dandelion in my whole world I don’t want pick another flower I don’t want pick another flower I’ve seen tulips and daffodils I’ve seen roses and marigolds I’ve seen daisy But none of them drew me that crazy None of them drew me that crazy She’s the only dandelion in my whole world She’s the only dandelion in my whole world She’s the only dandelion in my whole world I don’t want pick another flower I don’t want pick another flower Okay now here is your chance You have something you love the most It could be a soft drink Maybe it’s your corduroys genes Or your new suit Or the movie Or your girlfriend Or your boyfriend Or your ex girlfriend Or your best friend Or Bob Dylan Or your x x girlfriend Or your money Or well whatever it is you like the most It could be cigarettes Or coffee Nows your chance to sing with me Hey Robin I love you 21. This is The Buddy Song This is the buddy song This is the buddy song I’m your buddy You’re my buddy Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy This is the buddy song This is the buddy song Let’s be buddies Real good buddies Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy This is the buddy song This is the buddy song Let’s be buddies Real good buddies Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy This is the buddy song This is the buddy song I’m your buddy You’re my buddy Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy 22. U’re the Only U that U’ve got You say that you don't got alot But what you've got is what you've got Once it's gone than it's not & U're the only U that you've got Take a piece of my advice If you want to live long and be wise Stay away from those angry guys Cause U're the only U that you've got Said take good care of yourself Eat good and be in good health Cause once it's gone it can't be bought back with wealth & U're the only U that you've got Suicide is a terrible ride They say it's cool but it's just jive Cause once you're dead you won't be alive & U're the only U that you've 23.Vacuum Rap Yeah I can’t hear what your saying A could you talk louder ? What ? What did you say ? Vacuum rap Vacuum rap Vacuum rap I’m a Janitor I’ve got to clean the place I suck everything up with the vacuum I’m a vacuum ace I’m a janitor It’s vacuum rap Vacuum rap That’s a solo You wants some kazoo I’ll have to get the kazoo on Oh I blew it there Kazoo ~~~~~ Vacuum rap Vacuum rap Clap Clap Go ahead laugh But when you got to work you got to make some cash So you may have to do the vacuum rap I’m getting sucked up by the vacuume to do the vacuum rap I’m getting sucked up by the vacuum 24. Want To Be A Librarian ? Hi You might be wondering what should you do with your life ? You want a career, you want to come up with something great to do with your life ? Well I have a great idea. Wouldn’t you want to be a Librarian ? I bet you want to be a Librarian ? I bet secretly inside your thinking Wouldn’t it be great to be a Librarian ? I bet you want to be a Librarian ? Yeah if you were a Librarian You could benefits for being For being a Librarian Yeah if you were a Librarian You get holidays off for being a Librarian You could benefits and You get to work in air conditioning Yeah you don’t have to be good looking Yeah you could be really ugly and be a Librarian Or you could be tall or short Or you could have lots of warts Yeah you don’t have to be The most smartest person in the world But you do need a degree in library So you can be a Librarian Yeah I bet you want to be a Librarian ? Don’t you want to be a Librarian ? I bet secretly inside your thinking Wow I’d like to be a Librarian ? Yeah but if you were Tiger Woods and You broke your arm Or if you were Sharon Stone and You were in a car crash You know if you were The greatest singer in the World maybe not Madonna And all of a sudden you became ugly and couldn’t sing Well I don’t know what you’d do But if you were Michael Jordan You could always still do Nike commercials But I’m not sure Bruce Springsteen might have to get a job As a Librarian Yeah if you were a celebrity you could still be a Librarian Yeah if you were a Librarian People could get a book and get an autograph Don’t you want to be a Librarian ? I bet you want to be a Librarian ? I bet secretly inside you thinking Wow if I could only be a Librarian ? L I B Well I don’t know the rest ask a Librarian Yeah don’t you want to be a Librarian ? Wouldn’t you love to be a Librarian ? Cause you could read books if you were a Librarian And you could have fun looking up all the references 25. Xmas Morgue Rocking around the dead bodies at the Christmas party morgue ?One looks like Johnny Cash, One looks like Uncle George Rocking around the dead bodies, there’s a skeleton under the mistletoe that wants to be kissed I would kiss her but I don’t know if she’s a mister or a miss you will get a very eerie feeling when you hear ?dead bodies getting up and screaming in your ear you will get a really eerie feeling when you hear ?dead bodies getting up and screaming in your ear Rocking around the dead bodies at the Christmas party tonight Celebrating Christmas in a real old kind of fright 26.Yawning Are you yawning-yawning for the break of day ? Do you stay up when I'm away ? Are you yawning-yawning for my love ? In the twilight of the moonlight up above Are you my sweetheart,my honeysuckle,my turtledove ? Or am I just a lost forsaken lefthand glove Left behind in the winter's frozen bitter cold Are you yawning in the spring ? Do you hear the bluebird sing ? Is the sun melting in your heart ? From the kisses I inpart ? Are you yawning, or just asleep ? Am I dreaming, or is my love deep ? Deeper than a tidle wave Do you regret the love I gave ? Am I silly ? Am I brave ? Do you wonder why I act the way I behave ? Are you yawning for my love, Or just tired and wanting none ? Did I wake you in the night ? Do you linger for my light ? Is it special ? Is it kind ? Are you confused ? Is love blind ? Do you wander ? Are you mine ? These are the questions I think of my valentine 27. Z Instrumental There are no lyrics to this song