Take My Life Back Copyright 2001 Earl Vickers Guess there’s some guy Who looks just like me I never met him but I bet he’s out there He’s who I should be He’s got my job My beautiful bride He’s got my 2.3 kids and a dog and a mistress or two on the side Didn’t leave me nothing Didn’t leave me jack I’m gonna find that guy Take my stuff back He must have lots of money ’cause I sure ain’t got none He must have lots and lots of women ’cause I ain’t got a one I turned around Just for a minute That guy took my whole life, took my whole life and everything in it Didn’t leave me nothing Didn’t leave me jack I’m gonna find that guy Take my stuff back When I meet a woman Don’t know what to say ’Cause I know sooner or later That same guy’ll come along Take her away Has he left any joy? Has he left any hope? Has he left me just one big nasty near-sighted bow-legged old lady? Nope If I ever find him He’s gonna wish he was dead ’cause I’m gonna Take My Life Back, Take My Life Back Give him this one instead Gonna leave him nothing Ain’t gonna leave him jack I’m gonna find that guy Take My Life Back Ain’t gonna leave him nothing... I’m gonna find that guy Take My Life Back I’m gonna find that guy Take My Life Back What I Don't Like Copyright 1998 Earl Vickers (Sung by Kevin Harris) What I Don’t Like: That icy cold look in your eyes That distant tone of voice Total silence, or the battle cries I guess I can have my choice What I Don’t Like: You’re the cop and I’m the criminal Another dishwashing mistake Your contempt is not subliminal All you do is bellyache You don’t give a damn What I Don’t Like You don’t give a damn, ‘bout what used to be But I’ll tell you right now, tell you anyhow I just don’t like the way you don’t like me What I Don’t Like: My jokes aren’t funny any more Everything I say is wrong You think love is just another chore You used to love me all night long Now you don’t give a damn What I Don’t Like You don’t give a damn, ‘bout what used to be But I’ll tell you right now, tell you anyhow I just don’t like the way you don’t like me You used to wake up laughing in the morning Your eyes lit up just like a child, the sunlight in your hair You saw me there and then you smiled, but now you just don't care You don’t give a damn You don’t give a damn, ‘bout what used to be I’ll tell you right now, tell you anyhow I just don’t like the way you don’t like me, any more Did I do something wrong? Guess I done you wrong Just don’t like the way you don’t like me I Think You Should Dump Her (and Introduce Her to Me) Copyright 1998 Earl Vickers Now you've got a new girlfriend and she's almost perfect She's all that you wanted and that's why you're worried She’s too nice and too pretty and one day she'll wake up It's only a matter of time 'til the break-up ch) So I Think You Should Dump Her She’s no good for you She’s nothing but trouble You know that it’s true Yes, I Think You Should Dump Her Oh it’s plain to see I Think You Should Dump Her and introduce her to me She drags you downtown always buying you presents French kissing in public So adolescent She annoys you all day always doing you favors You can’t sleep at night Nor can the neighbors ch) Oh I Think You Should Dump Her... Well you took my advice and gave her away Took my advice Best I ever gave It’s been three years since she and I moved in together We’ve had a few problems seen all kinda weather But you know I don’t buy what my friends try to sell me They all say the same thing and here’s what they tell me: Ch) Oh I Think You Should Dump Her... and introduce her to me Which One Are You? Copyright 1999 Earl Vickers (Sung by Sara Glaser) Was I her piano student or a friend from long ago? Her weary eyes were lost inside a memory I tried to tell her who I was, but she would shake her head “What a thing to say, don’t play a trick on me.” She remembered every detail of her wedding day And she could tell the same old stories three or four times in a row “Remind me dear, Which One Are You?” I'd always say, “It’s me,” then she seemed to know One day she looked right at me, “Grace, my friend, I’m glad you’re here I have to tell someone, I’m feeling so alone It’s John and I,” and she began to cry, “We’re so afraid we’ll never have any children of our own.” I took her hand and said, “Listen to me, I’m sure that you’ll have children, wait and see.” She remembered every detail of her wedding day And she could tell the same old stories three or four times in a row “Remind me dear, Which One Are You?” I'd always say, “It’s me,” then she seemed to know “Gramma, it’s me,” then she seemed to know Stupid for You Copyright 1997 Earl Vickers Don’t want to tiptoe ’round your tantrums any more Put on my shoes, each time you run out the door Don’t want to argue, I don’t want to fight You think I’m stupid, I think you’re right I think I’m Stupid for You Stupid for You Stupid for, stupid for, Stupid for You So many tears, my glasses need a windshield wiper You treat me like a disposable diaper The things you say, they cut my heart like a knife Might as well kill me ’cause you’ve ruined my life I’m Stupid for You I must be Stupid for You I must be stupid for, stupid for, Stupid for You You get a sad look in your eyes when you apologize You’re sorry you were cruel Sad you fell in love with such a fool You treat me nice and then you act like you don’t care You put me down, then you kick me when I’m there You’ve changed your mind so many times I’ve gone numb I just don’t get it, maybe I’m dumb Stupid for You I must be Stupid for You I must be stupid for, stupid for, Stupid for You Do Me All Day Copyright 1998 Earl Vickers Do me all day and you can do me all night Do me all wrong and you can do me all right You can do me in the moonlight, do me in the sun You can do me until I’m well done I’ll do you all day, and I will do you all night Do you okay, and I will do you all right I will do you in the moonlight, do you in the sun I will do you until you’re well done I do if you do, I don’t if you don’t I will if you will, I won’t if you won’t You know and I know, we know what we want to do That’s me and you, yeah We’ll do us all day, and we will do us all night Do us all wrong, and we will do us all right We will do us in the moonlight, do us in the sun We will do us until we’re well done But if you find something that you’d rather do And if you find someone to do it with you And if you and someone don’t want to do something with me, yeah I’ll do me all day and I will do me all night Do me all wrong and I will do me all right I will do me in the moonlight, do me in the sun I will do me until I’m well do me until I’m well do me until I am well done Do me do me That's Gotta Hurt Copyright 1999 Earl Vickers Ole Joe fell off the roof it knocked him out and broke his back Some girl gave him mouth-to-mouth Joe’s wife didn’t like the looks of that So she took his house and pickup truck and lived high on the hog When his dog bit his finger off She gave him the finger and she took the dog That’s Gotta Hurt I guarantee When someone else hurts like hell Glad it ain’t me That’s Gotta Hurt Such misery What a shame, but all the same Better him than me The cops arrested Joe He fixed his roof with no permit The judge was Joe’s ex-wife and you know she did not acquit Ole Joe died in prison But you know he’s heaven bound They’ll let him out of hell soon as his paperwork is found That’s Gotta Hurt I guarantee When someone else hurts like hell Glad it ain’t me That’s Gotta Hurt Such misery I’m just glad nothing bad’s ever gonna happen to me Like suffering and sighing and crying all night long Growing old and dying and listenin' to this song That’s Gotta Hurt (inst) That’s Gotta Hurt Such misery Hurts so bad, makes me sad ‘Cause you know your pain hurts me I'd Have to Be Crazy (to Be Crazy 'bout You) Copyright 1995 Earl Vickers 1) I never thought I’d meet someone like you But there she was, she looked exactly like you Matter of fact, she even acted like you Guess who it was, it was you, dear 2) Everyone thought I was out of my mind You were the kinda girl I never could find No one believed you’d be the least bit inclined to be the one I call mine, dear, they said I’d Have to Be Crazy to Be Crazy ‘bout You I’d have to be going insane Lacking a clue, losing a screw to think that someone like me could be with someone like you 3) Everyone said I was losing my head I’d never get a girl like you in my bed They said that you and I would never be wed They said that I should forget it I’d Have to Be Crazy to Be Crazy ‘bout You I’d have to be out of my mind What should I do, it’s too good to be true because you’re too good for me and I’m too good for you Bridge) We’re good for each other, no one can say we’re not So whatever they say, we’re gonna say so what ‘Cause whatever we got, it’s totally hot Maybe I’m crazy but I’m crazy ‘bout you 4) Everyone warned me when you first appeared Now that I know you, it is just as I feared I always thought you were a little bit weird You’d have to be, to like me, dear You’d have to be crazy to be crazy ‘bout me You’d have to be totally out of your tree Missing some gears, between the ears I mean your six-pack would have to be missing some beers Bridge) But it takes one to know one and there’s no one like you You’re one of a kind, and one and one makes two Now I know what I want, and what I want is you My crazy little loony-toon screwball you My crazy little loony-toon you (Instrumental) I’d Have to Be Crazy to Be Crazy ‘bout You I’d have to be out of my brain A bug must’ve bitten, I’m totally smitten ‘cause you’re cute as a kitten, your jeans are tight- fittin’ It’s too late for quittin’, this is Greater than Britain because baby I’m in love with you I’m ever so coo-coo, yes I’m crazy ‘bout you Forever incurably nuts So I’m spending some bucks, I’m renting a tux and then we’ll go on a honeymoon and have some good yuks Bridge) I’d Have to Be Crazy to Be Crazy ‘bout You And likewise, dear, you’d have to be crazy too It’s a crazy old world, but one thing is true I’d have to be crazy not to be crazy I’d have to be crazy not to be crazy I’d have to be crazy not to be crazy about you The Kid in the Mirror Copyright 1995 Earl Vickers There once was a kid, looked just like you Everything you did, that kid would do Who do you think that kid could be? It’s not you and it’s not me It’s the Kid in the Mirror Stuck behind the glass Does what you do, no better, no worse Can’t do anything unless you do it first Oh, the Kid in the Mirror Knows the way you feel Whenever you’re sad, the kid is sad too Smile and the kid’ll be smilin’ at you Oh, the Kid in the Mirror The kid that looks like you There in the glass, who do you see? Who do you think that kid wants to be? Life is something that you do It’s not something that just happens to you You can make the Kid in the Mirror Do anything you please Stick out your tongue, and make funny faces The kid in the mirror would love to swap places Oh, the Kid in the Mirror Wants to be like you Able to be whoever you wanna be No one but you can say who you’re gonna be Not even the Kid in the Mirror The kid that looks like you One day the kid looks back, same as before But you see the kid is not one any more Life is short, it goes by fast But of course it always lasts a lifetime See the Kid in the Mirror Lookin’ back at you You could be friends for life, might as well make the best of it You’re stuck together for all of the rest of it Oh, the Kid in the Mirror Watches what you do Knows everything that you’re thinkin’ of Might as well treat the kid like somebody you love Oh, the Kid in the Mirror The kid that looks like you The kid that looks like you The kid that looks like you Three Lullabies Copyright 1984 Earl Vickers I’ve got Three Lullabies for your sleepy little eyes That makes one and a half lullaby for each eye in case you’re counting Counting sheep in hopes of boring yourself to sleep to go exploring the dreams that leap out when you’re snoring the night away Hey, hey, hey I’ve got two lullabies for your pretty little eyes that blink on and off even though we both know you’re not sleepy But bedtime will be here any minute I’m sure your bed hopes you’re in it when it decides to go to sleep I had one more lullaby Something ‘bout a butterfly But I guess you won’t mind about what I forgot since you’re sleeping Stuff I'd Do for You Copyright 1998 Earl Vickers I took one glance at you and in advance I knew I didn’t stand a chance with you & that was the end of this song. But in my heart I knew I was in love with you Still at night I dream of you You’ve lived inside of my soul for so long Nothing in this world I would not give Give you all my love, long as I live Nothing in this world I would not do Darling for you I’d learn to dance for you Make romance for you Iron my underpants for you You are the one I adore I’d move to France for you Fall in a trance for you Learn about finance for you You make me want to become something more Nothing in this world I would not do except for other women, them I would not do There is nothing else I would not do Darling for you (inst.) I would freelance for you Apply for grants for you Get bit by army ants for you I’d love you all my life long I’d face a fer-de-lance or two Learn names of plants for you So won’t you give your answer true You know this can’t be the end of this song Nothing in this world I would not give Give you all my love, long as I live Nothing in this world I would not do Darling for you A Flask of Spanish Perfume Copyright 1997 Earl Vickers 1) There was a Spanish merchant except that he was French Nothing to sell but the smell of his own stench Full of sweat and cigarette, his clothing he would drench He bottled this perfume, ’twas enough to make you spench 2) The story of this merchant, the truth to you I’ll tell He lived his life in Lisbon but in London he did dwell He met a fair young maiden who had no sense of smell The day that she turned 81 he married Isabel 3) Izzy was a Swedish girl, dark eyes and long black hair Everywhere that Izzy went, the merchant followed there They peddled his perfume, though repeated sales were rare Their house it had no cupboard, and the cupboard it was bare 4) They had a lovely daughter, except she was a man Izzy called her Harry, for to match her face and hands But the Spanish merchant, he had a master plan to sell his smelly perfume, and so he named her Anne 5) Sweet Annie died at birth but soon her illness came and went She grew up tall and handsome, but she had her father’s scent No matter how Sweet Annie tried, she could not find a gent She checked into a nunnery which had a room for rent 6) Of all the convent flowers, Annie was the rose Long and tall and prickly and fragrant to the nose A painter, sister Mary Ellen, asked if Anne would pose She fell into her canvas when Annie dropped her clothes 7) The nuns were in a frenzy, they gathered one by one They could scarce believe their eyes or nostrils, either one They called up Isabel and said, “Your daughter is a son” Izzy said, “Oh is he?” “Yes he is,” replied the nun 8) The sisters gathered ‘round, they were under Annie’s spell “Time has come,” Sweet Annie said, “for me to say farewell. But so you won’t forget me, I offer for to sell A Flask of Spanish Perfume and some ancient socks as well” 9) Their eyes began to water, out of sadness, I suppose The Flask of Spanish Perfume, they rapidly did close They paid Sweet Annie dearly to take her scent and go So it might linger always in their hearts, if not their nose 10) Annie toured the nunnaries for fortune and for fame One day they caught her smoking, “You reek,” the nun exclaimed Sister grabbed the Flask of Spanish Perfume and she aimed The perfume it exploded, the convent burst in flames 11) Sweet Annie perished in the fire, her smoke killed all the rest They bottled up her ashes and buried them out west “Here lies Sweet Anne of Limburgh,” her tombstone did attest “Her odor reached high heaven, May her soul be likewise blessed” 12) The moral of this story, the moral of this tale The reason I have told you all about Miss Anne Chanel A man should never tell a lie when there’s a truth to tell A lie is but a cheap perfume to cover up a smell A Better Life Copyright 1997 Earl Vickers Grandpa worked in the coal mine, he looked old at 21 Seldom saw the sunshine, then he got that ole black lung I still hear him fairly often, underneath the ground Coughin’ in his coffin, not makin’ any sound He told my daddy, “Son, don’t you work down in the mine Go out and have some fun, while you still have the time We worked hard to make a living, me and my wife Damn near killed ourselves, so you could have A Better Life” Daddy worked in the factory, worked his fingers to the bone Caught his arm in the machinery, he had no leg to stand on But he made out like a one-armed bandit, on the disability plan when he lost all five fingers, on the other hand My daddy told me, “Son, don’t you work in the factory Go out and have some fun, you don’t wanna end up like me We worked hard to make a living, me and my wife Damn near killed ourselves, so you could have A Better Life” I got calluses on my fingers, from playing this guitar Got a touch of carpal tunnel, if I bend a string too far My ears are always ringing, got a pain in my right knee This guitar playin’ gonna be the death of me Told my son, “Jed, don’t matter what you do You’re gonna wind up dead, so you might as well be you Work hard to make a living, find yourself a wife Don’t got nothin’ else to do, so have... A Better Life” Bag City Copyright 1993 Earl Vickers If you spy it Wanna buy it Better snag it You better bag it, baby When you shop it Don’t you drop it Don’t you drag it You better bag it, baby Bags inside of bags Bag City, Bag City Bags inside of bags inside of bags inside of bags inside of Bags inside of bags Bag City, Bag City Hymn for Jerry Copyright 1995 Earl Vickers For the rest of my life, I will hear his voice In my heart, all the songs that he sung Though I know he lived the life he wanted to It makes me sad he died so young Then I Met a Man Copyright 1995 Earl Vickers I once had no food to eat Then I met a man who had no teeth I once had no shoes to wear Then I met a man who had no feet I once had no shirt to wear Then I met a man who had no pants I once had no lady friend Then I met a man with no right hand When you’re down on your luck and you just spent your last buck There’s always someone else who has it even worse When you’ve gone completely mad and you’ve lost everything you had Look around and you’ll be glad it isn’t worse Your life could be an endless curse I once had no house to live in Then I met a man who had no skin I once had an iron lung Then I met a man whose lung was tin I once had no energy Then I met a man who had no mass I once had no toilet paper Then I met a man who had no ass When you’re down on your luck No matter how bad your life sucks There’s always someone else who has it even worse When you’ve gone completely mad and you’ve lost everything you had Look around and you’ll be glad it isn’t worse Your life could be an endless curse Your other car could be a hearse I could sing another verse I once had a mirror on the wall Then I met a man who was lucky after all Spend the Night with Me Copyright 2002 Earl Vickers The lives of men are short and brutal Women’s lives, long and cruel Oh baby, won’t you spend the night with me It’s cold outside, the winds are blowing Lots of time to sleep alone Oh baby, won’t you spend the night with me Oh won’t you take my hand Take me to the promised land You know I’ll do what I can for you C’mon and hold me tight Look for that bright spot in the night Where everything will be all right Fight the dying of the light with me Spend the night with me When you die, the bugs will eat you Tell me why we live like we do? Oh baby, won’t you spend the night with me Misery, pain and sorrow Swear I’ll be a better man tomorrow Oh baby, won’t you spend the night with me I may not mend your broken heart forever Or make all your dreams come true But I will spend this night with you forever If you take my hand I’ll take you to the promised land... Misery, pain and sorrow Swear I’ll be a better man tomorrow Oh baby, won’t you spend the night with me I'll Be Watching Over You Copyright 1997 Earl Vickers Remember me and you know you’ll never be alone If you’re ever scared think of all we’ve shared I know life can be unfair but I’m not going anywhere I’ll Be Watching Over You I’ll Be Watching Over You Don’t cry for me Let the rain wash away the pain May the days and years take away your tears Love is stronger than your fears And my love will be here I’ll Be Watching Over You I’ll Be Watching Over You All you have to do is Look up in the sky Spread your wings and fly set your sights high (inst) May the days and years take away your tears Love is stronger than your fears And my love will be here I’ll Be Watching Over You I’ll Be Watching Over You